11/11/25

 i wish i could be more to those around me. 

more in the sense of smart, more helpful. im not sure.

sometimes i worry im too childish for my own good. but at the same time i try my best to be mature. i know im smart. thats what all of the adults in my life say. im just not trying hard enough.

its a little embarrassing, honestly. how i still boast about myself, and how much better i am, while im struggling to prove that. i keep telling myself its because im not trying hard enough, but i somehow do worse the harder i try.

maybe itd be easier if i let people think im just as childish and naive as i present. and i keep my thoughts to myself. let them be disappointed in me. i dont care. i dont care about anything anymore. 

i find myself hating more than caring. thats probably not helping my verdict, is it?

11/10/25

today was alright. school was alright. theater was alright. home was nice. i did a lot of worrying, which wasnt too alright, but thats okay. because i know everything is going to be okay.

i told my friend about my blog, and she laughed at me. she laughs a lot, so i dont know if i should take it personally, but it made me a little upset. i dont like when people dont take me seriously. 

my classes went alright. my science teacher is making my parents meet afterschool with her soon though. not sure why. i have good grades, and im not that much of a delinquent. maybe she decided to listen to hallway conversations.

theater is ending soon. while i dont think we're ready for the play which is two rehearsals away, im happy to be seeing the people in there less.  

it was easier to get things off of my mind because one of my great friends came over today! :)

we dont have school tomorrow, so she gets to stay the night. shes funny, i like her a lot. i think shes one of my favourite friends who i actually know in real life. 

i think its a little odd how people call real life "real life", and seperate it from online life. i guess it reflects on how inconsequential the internet is, doesnt it? idk. the internet is still a pretty new thing.

im still thinking. maybe ill do one of these that are just compiled thoughts... once i find out how to work the site better

K, dats all

love you all lots bai!

 

11/09/25

i think blogs are cool. my friend told me about a character in her book having a blog, and i thought itd be a fun side project. i dunno what to write about. ive tried diaries before, but they never really worked out. probably because i never remembered to write about them. woopsie... ill try not to forget this, ok? Ok. itll be a special daily log, because im a very interesting person.

except for today. i didnt do very much, but i thought a lot. sometimes i wish i was able to put my thoughts into words, so people would understand me better. but i have trouble with it.

i also wish i had one of those paddles with the ball attached to it. the ball with a string. what are those called? i have no idea. my dad gave me one when i was a kid, but i lost it. 

Ok. ill think more on what to write tomorrow... itll be really good, i swear.

K bai love you lots